During the summer, I like to use my oven as little as possible. The grill and refrigerator are my best companions during these wonderful months.
Try my cool, delicious, no-bake lighter desserts made only with the best and natural ingredients.
Post City Magazines’ culinary columnist, Rose Reisman, is the author of 17 cookbooks, a TV and radio personality and a health & wellness expert. Visit Rose at www.rosereisman.com.
DON’T BE DISTRACTED by the mishmash and unpolished decor: Villa’s kitchen turns out fresh and fabulous Malaysian plates, brought to table by delightful, adept servers without attitude.
It’s hard not to lock eyes with the recessed ceiling lights, which morph through all colours of a neon rainbow and give unusual, almost-sickly glows to guests lounging in purple velvet banquettes or at round and rectangular wooden tables.
Stevie Wonder serenades the families and pairs of pals on a night out. Once Villa gets their liquor licence, maybe the younger set will move to the restaurant’s attached lounge.
In the meantime, a list of refreshing, creative mocktails made with various juices, pops and milks satisfies.
More than two-thirds of the menu’s 37 offerings are denoted as spicy, with a one-to-three chili scale. Only a handful of these can be prepared without the piquancy.
But fret not, the kitchen knows their stuff when it comes to heat.
It’s difficult to choose between Villa’s three salads: kerabu asparagus, green mango salad in fish sauce and lime vinaigrette and grilled beef tenderloin with vegetable salad and peanuts, but asparagus wins out ($10).
And it’s impossible to imagine a way the generous assembly could be improved on. This knockout tosses the freshest of snipped spears, diced red and yellow peppers and shrimp floss in a peppy, balanced lime vinaigrette.
From about 10 other first dishes of appetizers and snacks comes ngoh hiang ($8), another success.
Soy skin wraps around a mash of chestnut, crab meat, chopped chicken and shrimp and five-spice.
The roll is immaculately deepfried and sliced, and each of the four pieces delivers enough flavour and texture to render the accompanying plumlike sauce unneeded. A wee “salad” of diced cucumber and tomato slice in a mild, sweet dressing accompanies.
Main dishes continue the pleasure, divided into satay, streets eats, ocean’s catch and farmer’s selections.
Chili fish prepared with fresh tilapia fillet makes a serious splash in its shallow pool of a just-right hot chili sauce that doesn’t drown out the flavour of the fish — or the still–al dente okra, fennel wedge, onion and tomato alongside. A serving of bang-on basmati stands in as starch.
Our server, Ryan, not only enhances our dinner with a killer smile and practised etiquette, but he makes good recommendations, too — as in curried lamb shank accompanied by soft, teeny potatoes ($22).
The creamy, onechili curry manages to strike a pose between comforting and kicky.
“Shrimp is the secret ingredient!” Ryan tells us of the sweet and nutty homemade peanut sauce that accompanies two skewers of chicken satay.
The small cubes of white meat boast moistness, but, in all honesty, they serve better as vehicles for scooping up more of the peanut sauce. (Other options include beef, shrimp, calamari and scallop.)
Finding Villa Malaysia in the maze of roundabouts and multiple parking lots on York Boulevard may be frustrating, but it’s worth every effort.
VILLA MALAYSIA
140 York Blvd., 905-731-6262
Dinner for two, excluding tax, tip and alcohol
$70
THERE ARE VERY few high-end Vietnamese restaurants in this city, and Ha Long Bay strives to fill the void with its elegant, chic room and high-quality offerings. For the most part, it succeeds.
A large painting of Vietnam’s gorgeous Ha Long Bay on the west wall sets the tone — and brings together the colours — of the room. Think: oranges and whites, greys and baby blues.
A dark grey ceiling contrasts with a room-length white banquette, their shades echoed in the stonework at the back. Elsewhere, there are orange paint panels, mismatched chandeliers (albeit classy) and comfortable leather chairs pulled up to black marble tabletops.
The menu focuses on the fuss-free — appetizers, noodle soups, vermicelli, rice and specialties, with almost all main options hovering around the $10 mark. Rolls in various permutations (spring, fall and winter) make up half of the appetizers.
Fall rolls ($5) see rice paper pulled tight around four warm bundles of jicama, lettuce, herbs, dried shrimp, egg and Asian sausage — savoury and addictive little morsels the consistency of cured meat. A small bowl of smooth, salty peanut sauce and a little pile of shredded iceberg lettuce, pickled carrots, cucumber and daikon round out the quartet.
Green rice grains act as a batter for three plump, piping-hot black tiger shrimp ($5.50) spooning together on a jade-green plate. The freshness of the crustaceans and expert deep-frying make this a winner.
From six spins on vermicelli comes bun thit nuong cha gio ($9.50), a dish that doesn’t live up to the gratification of other plates sampled.
A slapdash of somewhat dry grilled pork bites repose over a mound of rice noodles encircled by a toss of the same ’slawlike salad served with fall rolls. A pinchful of peanuts and a greaseless chicken spring roll sit on the plate’s edge, and a bowl of sauce made of citrus, fish sauce and sugar is for dumping or dunking. The freshness of the assembly’s ingredients can’t make up for the lackluster flavours.
Beef stew, on the other hand, sates both comfort seekers and picky palates. The most tender of braised beef shank cubes bob about in a thin, summer-appropriate broth also home to soft carrot chunks, ginger, sliced scallions, purple onion shavings, ginger and lemon grass. A teensy ramekin of lime, salt and pepper caters to DIY seasoners.
Our smiling server, though attentive and friendly, suffers from interruptivitis. But the restaurant does succeed in pairing an urban flair and high-quality cuisine with a style of cuisine too long associated with the cheap and cheerful.
HA LONG BAY
525 Eglinton Ave.W.,
416-487-4851
Dinner for two, excluding tax, tip and alcohol, $40
WE ARRIVE AT Rosedale’s latest restaurant, Quanto Basta, with high expectations.
An offshoot of the popular Capocaccia on Yonge south of St. Clair, Quanto blazes a similar trail but with a greater emphasis placed on wine, thanks to the installation of the Enomatic Wine Serving System.
We are greeted by the familiar, and oh-so-charming Sal, a signal that we will be well tended.
The menu does not overreach but is supplemented by several specials.
Bruschetta bis del giorno is reinvented daily. Tonight is a good one — two large pieces of mushroom and two of classic tomato.
We assume that Caprese salad will offer no surprises: cherry tomatoes, arugula, basil and fresh burrata cheese finished with a balsamic reduction.
Since it is not what we are expecting, the price of $18 seems disproportionate.
True, it does arrive as a huge loaf, but the bed of greens is dry, the reduction is barely there, and we count six cherry tomato halves. After a few minutes, the cheese starts to weep, and we manage to eat only half. No one inquires.
Mains are a measurable improvement. I have relied on the server for a wine recommendation, and this gives me the confidence to trust her food choices.That is how I end up with ravioli zita e basta.
The collection of wild mushrooms is combined with an aggressive cream and truffle sauce that makes for a decadence that defies description.
The portion is huge.
So often stuffed pasta carries little echo from the promised filling, but this is an exquisite exception ($18).
Sometimes the mundane, in the right hands, can be elevated to star status, and so it is with the Cornish hen alla mattone.
This translates as Cornish hen under the brick. I have seen this demonstrated but never had the chance to try it.The pressing of the brick creates maximum contact with the grill and, therefore, maximum crispiness without loss of moisture.
Desserts ($8) are made in house, and we choose two of the three or four that are offered.
One flourless chocolate cake presents as flatter than we have come to expect and not very moist in the centre but with a nice bitter edge that pleases the tongue.
Profiterole are described as being coated in chocolate (notice a theme here?), and I, foolishly, expect something akin to the classic French rendition where the crispy shell is graced by hard, dark chocolate.
This version is different but no less valid. The doughy balls have been encased in a milk chocolate mousse that renders the pastry soft and moist.
As the new kid on the block, Quanto Basta is packed, and they don’t take reservations, so timing is critical.
But, can they keep this up or will they turn out to be the flavour of the month? A little polishing must take place before that question can be answered.
QUANTO BASTA
1112 Yonge St., 416-962-3141
Dinner for two, excluding tax, tip and alcohol
$75
IT ALL BEGAN when Bill Redelmeier, proprietor of Southbrook Vineyards, heard an interview on CBC radio.
A Montreal wine writer, Marc Chapleau, had put on a blind tasting of fine white Burgundies versus top California Chardonnays and had slipped in a bottle of Ontario’s Le Clos Jordanne Claystone Vineyard Chardonnay 2005 as a ringer. The tasters put this Ontario wine in first place.
On air Le Clos Jordanne’s winemaker Thomas Bachelder said, self-deprecatingly, that any one of 10 Ontario Chardonnays could have produced the same result. The light went on for Redelmeier: why not take the top Ontario Chardonnays to London and have them tasted by the world’s most exacting wine critics?
Redelmeier invited eight local wine writers to taste blind some 60 Chardonnays to choose the top wines to take across the Atlantic. In the end, 40 wines from 22 producers made the cut.
The tasting was held in Canada House in Trafalgar Square and the date, May 17, was judiciously chosen. It happened to be the 50th anniversary of the Circle of Wine Writers in the U.K. and one day before the opening of the London Wine Fair. This meant that attendance from the notoriously picky wine press would be good.
And 17 of the winemakers had flown over to London to pour their wines and explain them to the invited writers.
Billed as Ontario Chardonnay: Seriously Cool, the event echoed a seminal tasting organized in Paris by Steven Spurrier. As a brash young English wine merchant in 1976, he pitted California’s best Chardonnays and Cabernet Sauvignons against top Burgundys and Bordeaux in a blind tasting.
The tasters were all French experts, and when the dust settled, they had placed California top in both white and red categories — much to their collective chagrin.
Spurrier himself, the hero of the movie Bottle Shock, was on hand that day in London to sample the Ontario wines.
“I was amazed,” he commented, following his tasting tour of the room. “There was not a single poor wine here. They all have an individual personality. They’re all brilliantly well made. I’m very impressed.”
Jancis Robinson, the doyenne of British wine writers, was more qualified in her praise. “There were some really, really nice wines, varied, but not me-too products,” she said. “Certainly this variety is well suited to Canada.”
Naturally, it was Ms. Robinson whose verdict was most awaited by the participating winery proprietors. On her blog she reviewed all the Chardonnays she tasted, singling out her favourites, such as Huff Estates South Bay Vineyard Chardonnay 2007, South Brook Triopmphe Chardonnay 2008 and Malivoire Mottiar Chardonnay Vineyard 2007.
Bill Redelmeier was justifiably elated by the reaction.
“Everyone’s got big smiles on their faces. We had a wonderful response from the press, and it should do us a world of good as far as putting Ontario on the map.”
“Ceviche” means fish marinated in citrus juice and flavoured with tomato, onion, chili and other veggies. During Claudio Aprile’s apprenticeship under chef Douglas Rodriguez, he sat for a 30-course ceviche tasting, with flavours as diverse as pear, mushroom and passion fruit.
“The one thing that carried through each ceviche was the control, how he manipulated acidity and salt, and there’s a lot of control happening in this one,” Aprile says of Boulevard Café’s white bass, shrimp and calamari ceviche. “The onion is cut large, so you’re getting the crunch, and the fish is just kissed with acidity and salt but isn’t completely overtaken by it.” Says Aprile, “Whoever did this knows what they’re doing.”
Torito
Aprile approves of the authentic flavour of the corn and yam marinade from the Kensington Market tapas bar. The big chunks of fish spent limited time in the marinade, making them tender and succulent. Still, the dish can’t match the lightness of Boulevard’s. Price: $10
276 Augusta Ave.
Frida
Aprile had heard good things about Frida’s lime-marinated shrimp, scallop and mussel ceviche and is impressed by chef Hadad’s attention to detail. “This is proper. The shrimps are, well.… Feel that: not overcooked.” Still, not as memorable as Boulevard’s or Torito’s.
999 Eglinton Ave. W. Price: $16
Milagro
“Not enough acidity,” says Aprile of Milagro’s shrimp, crab and octopus ceviche. “It looks like they threw in some crab, but it looks like frozen crab, which I’d never put in a ceviche … and the shrimp.… Feel that: it’s as tough as nails. Overcooked.”
3187 Yonge St. Price: $11.50, lunch size
Cava
Cava’s smoked kingfish ceviche misses the mark with Aprile. “It’s grey, it’s old … like someone that took all their trim, or a crappy piece of fish they couldn’t sear, chopped it up, threw [in] a bunch of old ingredients,” says Aprile. “There’s still skin on here from the fish.”
“ARE YOU WORRIED people are going to think you’re a cougar?” my editor asked, after I begged not to go to the first-ever cougar convention in Canada. “No, that’s not it,” I wrote back. “It just sounds horrid.”
Sometimes, this pampered princess can’t help but judge a book by its cover.
The book in question was penned by the notorious Torontonian Valerie Gibson, Queen Cougar, who pioneered the term in her 1991 bestseller Cougar: A Guide for Older Woman Dating Younger Men.
She’s a keynote speaker at the cougar shindig Mr. Editor is forcing me to attend.
“A cougar is the new breed of single, older woman — confident, sophisticated, desirable and sexy. She knows exactly what she wants,” Gibson says.
“What she wants is younger men and lots of great sex.What she doesn’t want is children, cohabitation or commitment. It’s an irresistible combination for younger men who are more than willing to seek out these sleek and sexy cougar women.
Whatever. First off, I like children. I would like to be committed (and I do get a lot of great sex … with men my own age or older.)
Before agreeing to the cougar convention, I talk with Rich Gosse, chairman of the Society of Single Professionals and “executive producer” of Cougar Events.
I need to know what I’m getting myself into.
Apparently, any woman over 35 years of age can attend. “So now 35-yearolds are cougars?” I ask, trying to hide my displeasure.
“Technically, a cougar is 40 and over,” he says. (Phew! I still have a few years.) “You’re what we’d call a cougar in training,” he adds. (Good grief.) But what could be in it for a pampered princess? He explains that he’s trying to attract a higher-end group of people.
“Most cougars have their own homes and great jobs.… Most of them have had husbands and are not looking for men to support them or pay the mortgage. They’ve been there, done that.They are just looking to have fun.
He says there’s such a strong demand for cougars that he can’t find enough to go around. A few months ago, in Australia, during a torrential downpour, 600 people showed up to his event. Interestingly, he says that it’s the young men, not the older women, who have the problem finding mates.
“These young men don’t have a lot of money, and girls their own age won’t give them a chance. Let’s face it, because it’s the truth, most young women are looking for a man who can pay a mortgage and to have children with, and a lot of young men don’t want that.
“Why wouldn’t an older woman want to date a man who has high energy, a full head of hair and doesn’t need Viagra? Aside from maybe the money issue, younger men are better in every other category.
He does have a point.
Gosse explains that the young men are called “cubs.” (There’s a whole lingo in this world. Also, a woman over the age of 50 is not a “cougar” but a “panther.
I ask if cubs and cougars ever stay together for the long haul (Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchner, the most famous of cougar and cub hookups, comes to mind.)
“Cougars have to be careful and know their long-term goals. Most cougars do want love over the long term, but they have to make sure that their cub doesn’t want children.
Despite my desire for a soothing foot massage or over-the-top spa treatment, I lose the battle with my editor, and here I am on Friday night at the Tattoo Rock Parlor on Queen Street.
I did, however, profess that I had to be home early to free the babysitter so would, sadly, miss the crowning of Miss Cougar Canada. (I did, but I also had a date coming over that night, who, mind you, was 40, four years older than me! See why I’m not a cougar?)
Gosse told me that if I wanted to win Miss Cougar Canada, I would have to dress my very best.And flirt … a lot.. I show up wearing flip flops and don’t shower and have a scowl on my face. But I go.
Outside a big crowd has shown up, including a lot of media. At the end of the day, it is a funny story.
The cougars and cubs are slow to arrive (Seriously? Is that bouncer really checking IDs? These women are old!) I meet Gale Frost, who won’t give her age but tells me she has four grandchildren. She’s been dating a 36- year-old cub for five months now. (She admits there is more than a 20-year age difference.)
“On our first date, he arrived with a red rose for me. He’s very intelligent. We can talk. We can really talk. And he’s not interested in children at all.We can’t even be at a restaurant if there are children around,” she says. (And, yes, the sex is great.)
She says she has received more affection from her new, younger man than she had in 25 years of marriage. As the club fills up with cubs and cougars (who seem to like leopard prints), other women and men I talk to have shown up just to “check it out.” It feels like any other singles’ gathering.
I meet Erik, 25, a sales representative for Cintas Canada. I ask if he would sleep with a 60-year-old. “If she was a badass 60-year-old.”He laughs. Erik is, no doubt, a handsome boy. Unfortunately, I keep thinking he reminds me of my little brother. He came with two friends to check it out.
“Why not? Girls my age are so materialistic. And they won’t let you talk. You can barely get a word in,” he says. He wants me to sit and chat.
“You know who is really attractive though?” he asks, “that bartender.
So maybe he will get lucky. Just not with a cougar, or even this trainee.
The old home of the Richmond Hill High School will soon host a new generation of students within its classrooms.
Built in 1924 and in use as Richmond Hill High School until 2000, the 51 Wright St. building will be transformed into York Region’s first French-language public high school. Acquired by the Conseil scolaire de district du Centre-Sud-Ouest (CSDCSO) in 1998, the designated heritage property had been used as a Community Hebrew Academy of Toronto school location most recently.
“We have a need for a high school in this area,” said Jean-Luc Bernard, director of education at CSDCSO, noting a high increase in Richmond Hill’s Francophone population in recent years.
Bernard said that the new 63,000-square-foot facility will be built to accommodate 400 students from grades 7 to 12. Under the redevelopment plan, 60 per cent of the existing building would be renovated, he added.
“We’re very, very happy with the direction they’ve taken,” said Diane Giangrande, chair of Heritage Richmond Hill (HRH), regarding the school’s proposed redevelopment.
Giangrande and HRH recently endorsed the redevelopment plan, which will restore the school’s original facade as well as bring in modern additions.
“It’s not just the children that will experience the opportunity. The community will continue to experience the architecture and certainly the history of that building,” she said.
Construction and renovations will begin this fall.
Richmond Hill’s New official plan was recently endorsed despite concerns from local residents and councillors alike.
The new plan, which will govern growth and development in the town over the next 25 years, was endorsed in a close five-to-three vote, despite attempts to have the vote deferred until council returns from the summer break.
“There were a lot of questions that I felt weren’t answered,” said Vito Spatafora, regional councillor, of his motion to defer the vote. “We had no opportunity at council to really discuss the official plan.”
Spatafora, who said the plan was the most important piece of legislation for the town in the last nearly 30 years, described it as being “rushed through.” He expressed concerns with certain elements of it, including guidelines for intensification along the Yonge Street and Major Mackenzie Drive corridors and the inclusion of development guidelines for David Dunlap Observatory (DDO) lands.
“We had not had a formal discussion on that,” he said, regarding the DDO inclusion.
Coun. Nick Papa, however, said the attempt to have the motion deferred was “mostly for political reasons.”
“There has been three years of consultation with people,” Papa said. “We had enough time to study it, enough time to read it, understand it.”
Karen Cilevitz, DDO Defender and Ward 5 candidate, and other groups, including the Richmond Hill Naturalists, have worked to prevent development on the Metrus-owned site.
“As far as I am concerned, it is a public right that this property be protected against development,” Cilevitz said, adding that attempts to get provincial and federal heritage protection for the site continue.
“They have enshrined development rights on this property,” she said of the new plan. “And that is something that we are, by no means, finished fighting.”
Developers intent on transforming a Thornhill shopping centre into a controversial high-rise community recently filed an appeal with the Ontario Municipal Board.
“The decision was not made lightly at all,” said Maria Gatzios, planning consultant for Bayview Summit, of the filing. “We really felt that the opportunity on this site was being lost.”
The revised plan, first submitted by Bayview Summit Development Ltd. in October 2007, seeks to transform the 18-acre Shops on Steeles and 404 site into a mixed use development with retail, restaurant and office uses, as well as 1,787 residential units. The majority of the residential units would be within five buildings ranging in height from 18 to 32 storeys near Highway 404 on the eastern portion of the site.
Despite changes from the original proposal, including fewer residential units and towers, some area residents are not satisfied with the changes or how residents’ input had been received.
“They never responded to any of our objections,” said Fred Webber, president of the German Mills Ratepayers Association, who described the plan as totally incompatible with the neighbourhood.
“We were just treated as a necessary evil. We were not listened to one bit by the developer.”
Concerned about issues, including traffic and density, Webber and group had sought for a six-storey height limit and one times coverage limit to be imposed on any development on the site.
“That’s just not a reasonable position to be at for this site,” Gatzios said regarding the limits.
Coun. Erin Shapero agreed with Webber.
“In terms of infrastructure, this area was never designed for this type of residential density, and neither the sewer, water and transportation is in place for something of this size and scale,” Shapero said. “It’s totally out of the question.”
Despite the distance separating the two sides, Webber said that he was hopeful a compromise could still be reached.
Neither side wants to end up at a hearing, Gatzios agreed.
Webber said that his group had not yet made any hard decisions regarding their participation level should the matter ultimately go before the OMB.
Hearing dates at the OMB have not yet been scheduled.
Not only does Stella Kim sell vintage jeans, but vintage runs in her genes as well. Kim recently opened high-end consignment shop Haute Classics (with co-owner Jina Han) but says her love of vintage started young and started in the family: “My mother was a vintage collector. I’ve been inspired by vintage all my life,” says Kim (946 Yonge St., 416-922-7900).
Vadim Mostovoy has danced all over the world, representing Canada in international competitions. Now, with the opening of Ballroom on Bayview Aug. 1, Mostovoy has brought the world of dance to North Toronto, along with co-owner Oleg Yedlin. The studio offers lessons in dances like the tango and foxtrot (1578 Bayview Ave., 416-894-5315).
Dave Johnston has sold a lot of fish and chips in 60 years. In fact, since Penrose Fish & Chips opened, even celebrities, such as Barbra Streisand and Catherine Zeta-Jones, have sat down to a plate of halibut and chips. For those craving dessert, Johnston recommends “a piece of my wife’s homemade lemon meringue pie,” (600 Mount Pleasant Rd., 416-483-6800).
With the recent opening of Uncle John’s Candy Shack, John VanDen Beek has become a local Willy Wonka. “It’s all about fun,” says VanDen Beek, who sells more than 500 items, including a large British line of imported groceries and sweets. Starting in August, the store will also sell sausages, meat pies and baked goods (635 Mount Pleasant Rd., 416-789-1133).
Judy Kusoglu knows cashmere. After all, the owner of new clothing boutique Cashmereness has worked with cashmere factories all over the world. “I’ve worked with other materials, but there’s nothing like the feel of cashmere,” she says (645 Mount Pleasant Rd., 416-488-7800).
’Round about now in the dog days of summer when the grass is starting to turn yellow and bees are getting ready to wreck al fresco meals, some of us begin the great countdown to Labour Day — those of us with teenage offspring.
There are days when a teenager’s astonishing ability to imitate a sea cucumber (lies around on the bottom of the ocean, takes up lots of space) is positively impressive.
At those times we are sorely tempted to rush to judgment of our teens, and that will be a mistake. This is the time of their great oscillation.
One day they’re cute and good and thoughtful — their positive self. That day they help make dinner and actually participate in family life.
The next day they’re the not-so-cute self: Hostile, unhelpful, unresponsive and irresponsible. We say to them: “Why can’t you be like you were yesterday?” Which adds our voice to the chorus in their head, the boatload of “shoulds” that seldom stops — unless they numb it out with substances we don’t want them ingesting.
The “dirty shoulds” are the expectations we all believe the world has of us.
The difference between adults and teens is that we tend to have most messages from the “shoulds” under control whereas teens live under a constant barrage of those messages (both internally and externally generated), with precious little defence. You should be cuter, taller, have bigger boobs/shoulders, a smaller stomach, be cooler, better at basketball, etc., etc.
Teens live in a world of incessant expectations that they can never live up to because their own internal voices never stop comparing them to their (better-looking, higher-scoring) peers.
Until teens figure out (sometime after age 20) their place in the world, they’re stuck comparing themselves to everyone else. Teens don’t know who they are.
To everything there is a season, and adolescence is the season of figuring out who you are. Adults might want to stop saying: “What do you want to do when you grow up?” and start asking, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” because that’s of greater interest to teens and will be more helpful to them.
Teens are constantly looking for reflections to tell them who they are — which is why too much time “interacting” with screens is so bad for them: Screens are no help at reflecting who you are.
Only humans can reflect yourself back at you. As parents, it’s our knee-jerk response to tell them who they should be. They should be more helpful, less snarly, more thoughtful, more responsible, more grateful, do more schoolwork, etc., etc. The problem with those messages is that teens know all that stuff already, and nagging helps them feel not good enough — which is not helpful because it is part of being a teen to have a shaky self-image.
If we reflect the “shoulds,” we lose an opportunity to build their picture of themselves, to create another building block of identity. If instead we seize the moment to reflect back to them who they are at that moment: “You really don’t want to help out right now.…” Or, “The thought of doing homework makes you want to puke.…” This is empathic listening.
At camp we call it active listening. A kid says: “I hate sailing.” We don’t try to sell them on sailing, we say: “Yah, I guess you do.… How come you hate it?… Tell me more.”
Therapists call this technique mirroring. You reflect back at the kid what you think they’re feeling, and then draw them out about it.. It works for homework or cleaning the kitchen or being nice to your sibling.
Meet them where they are and it helps them process their feelings, maybe even move through and beyond those feelings to a better place.
