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Funnyman’s life an inspiration to all

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The comedy world was shocked and saddened at the sudden passing last month of Brantford’s Gord Paynter, at the age of 57.

Paynter was a legally blind comic who had type 1 diabetes. He’d been doing headlining for decades and in the last few years had developed as a motivational speaker.

If anyone ever had the right to talk about overcoming adversity, it was certainly Gord. Blind since his early 20s, he could have been an angry, bitter man. But instead, he channeled his issues into comedy.

I remember the first time I saw Gord perform. I thought, “Great potential, unique act, but how can I send him on tour?”

As it happens, you could book Gord anywhere. Send him to a small town in the middle of Alberta, and he’d find it. And arrive early. He was amazing. His first line always cracked me up. “Well, Mark, at least you have me facing the right way this time!”

Gord made worldwide news a number of years ago. An avid golfer, he shot a hole in one, which is hard enough for a sighted player, let alone one who is blind.

Gord’s passing made me think about the issue of disabilities among comedians. I remember fondly a comic from the ’70s, Ed Rice, who had been left crippled by childhood polio, and how hard he had to work just to get up onstage with his two metal crutches.

These days, I’m enjoying working with Andre Arruda, a graduate of the Humber School of Comedy, who has Morquio’s syndrome, which means his 3’ 4” body needs a motorized scooter for locomotion.

Arruda is frank about the difficulties he faces as a “differently abled” comic. The most obvious one is wheelchair accessibility. Many comedy clubs are in older buildings without proper ramping and have no way of getting his scooter onstage without the help of some strong colleagues. It’s not the most dignified entrance, but he makes the best of it, as the blues classic “Bad to the Bone” plays him on.

There’s also the transportation issue. But what really bugs Arruda is his lack of respect from parts of the comedy community, treating his disability as a gimmick. He even finds some politically correct audiences the hardest to win over, as they often think that it would be mean of them to laugh.

He’s not the only comedian with disability issues. D. J. Demers is a Toronto comic who deals with his deafness one great joke at a time. He was a finalist in NBC’s Stand-Up for Diversity and a nominee for Best Stand-up Newcomer at the last Canadian Comedy Awards.

But it’s a tough road. There isn’t much work beyond the clubs, and TV is, quite bluntly, hostile toward placing a disabled comic in a lead role. Maybe what’s necessary is for that one comic to come along to act as a game changer, the way the great actor Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones) has changed the perception of little people.

Is that person Josh Blue?

Perhaps best known as the comic who “puts the cerebral in cerebral palsy,” Blue was the winner of NBC’s Last Comic Standing in 2006. He’s since parlayed that into a string of hit appearances on Mind of Mencia, The Ellen Degeneres Show and Live with Regis and Kelly. Some say that a sitcom is inevitable. One thing’s for sure: at least it would be different, and isn’t that what comedy is all about?

Post City Magazines’ humour columnist, Mark Breslin, is the founder of Yuk Yuk’s comedy clubs and the author of several books, including Control Freaked.

Liberty Village is getting a quesadilla café

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Toronto is obsessed with tacos these days. That means tortillas have been getting thrown in the limelight too, and later this month, the flatbread will be getting some serious treatment in Liberty Village. Taking over the old Liberty Belle Bistro space is Maizal Quesadilla Cafe, an upcoming takeout-oriented restaurant that focuses on corn and the traditional Mexican dishes derived from it — tortillas in particular. And tacos won’t be on the menu.

Behind the project are business partners Gabriela Ituarte and Ivan Wadgymar, who were inspired to start their own restaurant after spending the past few years selling homemade tortillas at farmers’ markets around the city for ChocoSol.

“I’ve been in the culture of tortillas my whole life,” says Ituarte, who hails from Mexico City. She’ll be heading up Maizal’s kitchen.

A centerpiece to the new eatery is the corn grinder, which uses volcanic stone in the Mexican tradition. It’s set up in the open so that patrons can see how the tortillas are made. Maizal uses a centuries-old process known as nixtamalization to make its tortillas, which involves soaking corn in an alkaline solution to remove the husk before grinding it (this makes the corn’s nutrients more accessible to the human body).   

Maizal will feature a simple menu of Mexican standards including sopes (smaller-sized tortillas), tlacoyos (oval-shaped, thicker tortillas) and, of course, quesedillas, all of them filled or topped with such items as mushrooms, beans, chicken, poblano peppers or spinach. The plan is to have no dish cost over $10.

“This is food that you’d find in the markets in Mexico,” Ituarte says.

Currently, Ituarte and Wadgymar are working with Kawartha Ecological Growers to source organic yellow and red corn. Eventually, they intend to use corn that they grew themselves. Other potential purveyors include Sausage Partners and Monforte Dairy (sourcing local and organic ingredients is a priority).

The 1,000 square foot space has a liquor licence and will have 18 seats inside, along with a 12-seat patio.

Maizal aims to open later this month.

Maizal Quesadilla Cafe, 133 Jefferson Ave., 647-351-0133

Today in awesome art news: a dirty car is a thing of beauty

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This has to be one of the best excuses ever to slack off from cleaning your car. Your windshield isn’t dirty, it’s just an artwork that hasn’t happened yet. 

The above Mona Lisa is the work of artist Scott Wade — the so-called “Da Vinci of Dust” — who uses dirty windshields to produce stunningly detailed drawings. While we think we’re being creative if we scrawl “also available in white” on a grimy vehicle, Wade creates lifelike images of some of the world’s greatest icons. In addition to the Mona Lisa, Wade has sketched the face of Albert Einstein on the rear windshield of a Mini and recreated the Creation of Adam (with the addition of the Pillsbury Doughboy) on the back of a Mazda.

Today, Wade is exhibiting his work in a one-day-only event at the Edition Richmond gallery near Trinity Bellwoods (850 Richmond St.). This is the first time Wade, a native of Austin, Texas, has brought his unusual art to Toronto.

The exibit is to promote the CarStar Soaps It Up car wash fundraiser for cystic fibrosis on June 9.

The sexting craze: Toronto businesses capitalize on popularity of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

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Recently, at a boutique investment firm, an analyst complained to co-workers that he was scared to go home because his wife was reading Fifty Shades of Grey, the best-selling erotic novel about the relationship between a college graduate and a young business magnate, notable for its sexy scenes. Though this investment analyst’s colleagues were envious of his booming sex life, his wife, he explained, had started to attack him as soon as he walked in the door. For the first time in his eight-year marriage, he was having too much sex and he was tired out.

All across Toronto, Fifty Shades of Grey has changed the way women speak to each other. For example, at a recent school function at an all-girls private school, a mother came up to me asking if I had read the book.

“You have to read it,” she gushed. “I was just on vacation with my daughter, and my mother-in-law and I couldn’t put it down. But I also thought, ‘This is so very wrong for me to read this right now.’ ”

I learned at one of my daughter’s activities at Bathurst and Eglinton that there was a woman known to a few of the mothers in the area who wrote erotica for a small but loyal Forest Hill customer base. It took me two days to track her down. She only recently moved from writing for friends to give their husbands as “gifts” to starting a website called sextprose.com.

“I started writing erotica for my husband 10 years ago,” she explains, when I get her on the phone. She will only say that she has more than one child, has been married for 15 years, and lives in the Spadina and St. Clair area. She describes herself as a hockey mom.

“I had bought a card for our anniversary,” she explains. “I started writing the usual stuff, but then I started writing a somewhat sexy short story. I couldn’t stop. He loved it.”

Then she took a trip with some girlfriends to Chicago for a weekend where one of her friends was worried that her husband was giving her guilt for leaving him at home with their children.

“I told her, ‘Don’t fight with him. Be nice to him because it’s contagious.’ She asked what she should say to be nice, and I said, ‘Give me your phone. Let me write something.’ ”

She wrote a little kinky message, and her friend said, ‘He’s never going to believe it’s me.’ But that was it. He did believe it was from her, but I had her phone for the rest of the trip. He ate it up. He loved it.”

From that trip, news spread through the tony parts of Toronto, and although she began doing it just for friends, it has evolved into a paying gig. “People are inhibited,” she says. “They need someone else to tell them it’s OK to talk or write things their partners can read. There’s a level of comfort when you hear that others are doing it or knowing that someone else is doing what you’re thinking. You’re no longer a freak.”

The husbands can’t get enough of it. “I always have clients who are, like, ‘More please. More please!’ ”

She says most of her clients are family-oriented, and she writes with that in mind. For example, her stories include scenes with the construction workers next door and begin at places, such as Starbucks or gyms, that her customer base can relate to.

She describes her customer base as “people you wouldn’t think twice about when you see them. They are plain-Jane women in Talbot’s shoes. You’d never guess they’d be excited by what I do or this kind of writing, but they are, and it’s really helped their sex lives and marriages.”

She finds that most of her customers have been married a long time and need an “exciting spin” in their lives. She’ll get the husband’s e-mail and write on behalf of the wife or send the wife a short story, which they can then pass off as their own work.

She explains that her “sexting” is more explicit and is quicker to the punch and her short stories are more drawn out. “I ask women what their comfort level is and what their husbands are into.”

The husbands, she says, can’t get enough of it. “I always have clients who are, like, ‘More please. More please!’” Then, usually, they eventually take off on their own with their own writing. “I just jump-start the process for them."

Sarah Forbes-Roberts is a co-owner at Come as You Are, an erotic boutique on Queen West. Here, customers can browse through a large selection of erotica or sign up for a do-it-yourself workshop.

“We always recommend erotica writing, which is huge,” she says. “It’s a matter of trying new things and a source of inspiration for a diverse fantasy world.”

As for our Forest Hill erotica expert, she also shyly admits that not only are a number of women now comfortable talking about what they like, but also, thanks to some of her work, “I have been known to start small baby booms in certain areas of the city.”
 

Post City Magazines’ columnist Rebecca Eckler is the author of Knocked Up, Wiped! and her latest books, How to Raise a Boyfriend and The Lucky Sperm Club.
 

Morning Throwback: yeah, this guy’s for sure got milk

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There's aging gracefully, and then there's aging kick-assedly, like this guy. He's damn classy with that glass of milk, but what really does a body good is his cavalier 'tude that says, “Yeah, I'm drinking a tall glass of straight-up vitamin D. What of it?” If we don't get to be this guy for at least a couple hours before we die, we are going to wreck the shiznit out of heaven.

A look inside Canon Blanc, the new Queen West boutique that’s channelling the Parisian life

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“We wanted it to feel just like an apartment in Paris,” says Matéo Masquelier of Canon Blanc, the boutique he opened on Queen West at the end of April with his wife, Caroline. In their store, the pair, who left France in search of something new, offer a snapshot (or should we say Instagram) of the Parisian way of life.

Up front, tiles mimic those you might find in a French kitchen; at the back, a wooden floor feels plucked from a living room. Nostalgic furniture and home accessories are dotted about — and are also for sale — while subtle red and blue lights warm the room from above. In the window, a magnificent (and ethically-sourced) stuffed peacock gazes streetward — perhaps not something to be found in the average Parisian dwelling.

Matéo and Caroline are very much taken with the history and workmanship behind the labels they sell, and they are eager to share their backstories with customers. Bracelets from Swedish line saami crafts are made the traditional way, with reindeer leather and horn (from $118). Cigarette and moustache pins from Maçon & Lesquoy are handmade by a manufacturer that works primarily with military badges (from $20). Meanwhile the store’s name and motto — “Liberté, egalité ou la mort!” — nod to the French Revolution.

The lines hail mostly from Paris-based brands, and Matéo tells us that they specifically sought out labels that only those in the know would be able to suss out. A white floor-skimming silk dress by Les Fées de Bengale plays host to a smattering of black stars ($404), while some brightly patterned trousers from By Zoé would pair well with a simple white T-shirt ($178). For men, a Johnbull denim shirt features a menagerie of pockets ($301), while a cotton and linen button-down matches stripes with stripes — a subtle detail that won’t go unnoticed ($301).

Smitten with their new city, the Masqueliers note that they’re still on the hunt for one thing: French eats.

“The fusion food here is gorgeous,” laughs Matéo, “but we’re still looking for a real French restaurant!”

Canon Blanc, 679 Queen St. W., 647-346-5060

Trending in Theatre This Week: Hamlet, Laura’s Cow, Toronto Puppet Explosion, Cabaret, Next to Normal

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Hamlet

Shakespeare’s formidable drama gets the ballet treatment thanks to American-born choreographer Kevin O’Day and the National Ballet of Canada’s most splendid dancers. Of course, the question we’re all asking is: “To plié, or not to plié?”
Four Seasons for Performing Arts Centre, 145 Queen St. W., 416-345-9595. Till June 10.


Laura’s Cow: The Legend of Laura Secord

As part of Luminato, this kid-friendly opera celebrates the myth and the reality of one of Canada’s most famous heroines. Hint: she wasn’t really a chocolatier, but she did save British and Canadian forces during the Battle of Beaver Dams (yes, a real thing) during the War of 1812.
Enwave Theatre, 231 Queens Quay W., 416-368-4849. June 6-10.


Toronto Puppet ExplosionTop pick!

A poetry slam with puppets? As if you need another reason to check this show out.
Puppets + funny = there’s nothing better in life.
Comedy Bar, 945 Bloor St. W., 416-551-6540. June 6.


Cabaret

Catch a show at the seedy Kit Kat Club with the young cabaret singer Sally Bowles. We’ll always love the Liza Minnelli version (even though Joel Grey creeped us out), but we’re sure this production will have you singing “Mein Herr” all the way home.
Theatre Passe Muraille, 16 Ryerson Ave., 416-504-7529. June 7-10.


Next to Normal

The 2010 Pulitzer Prize winner for Best Drama is actually a rock musical about a mother who struggles with bipolar disorder and the effect that her illness has on her family.
Tarragon Theatre, 30 Bridgman Ave., 416-531-1827. June 7-17.

Twenty summer concerts you shouldn’t miss

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Toronto hip-hop artist Drake announced yesterday has signed up R&B star The Weeknd and rappers A$AP Rocky and 2 Chainz for his third OVO Fest at Molson Amphitheatre on August 5. The gig will be the first time Drake has performed in his home town in a year, so tickets are expected to sell fast when they go on sale on Saturday. It adds to an already packed summer of music in Toronto that features the likes of The Black Keys, Coldplay and The Beach Boys.  Here are our picks for 20 concerts you can’t miss.
 

June



Fishbone will play Lee's Palace on June 30

K’naan

He’s one of the country’s most dynamic and engaging musicians and has a new album on the way. Plenty of star-power guest artists will make potentially earth-shattering appearances — ahem, Nelly Furtado? And did we mention this is a free show?
June 8, David Pecaut Square

Counting Crows

We know what you’re thinking: didn’t these guys retire back in the ’90s? Apparently not. Mr. Jones and the Counting Crows are alive and well and touring in support of their new album, Underwater Sunshine.
June 15, Echo Beach, Ontario Place

The Beach Boys

Boys? Not so much. But if you yearn for that bygone era of wood-panelled station wagon, superlong surfboards and long days spent at the beach with a bunch of scruffy-haired nogoodniks and can suspend belief, well, a lot, then this concert could be just the thing.  
June 19, Molson Amphitheatre

Bill Frisell

This guitarist is one fine musician. Last fall, Frisell released All We Are Saying — his interpretation of John Lennon’s music. It’s a unique experience to hear such music sans Lennon’s legendary lyrics. In June, Frisell plays it live as part of the Toronto Jazz Festival.
June 26, Enwave Theatre

Esperanza Spalding

This enchanting multi-instrumentalist shocked the world when she won the Grammy Award for Best New Artist over Justin Bieber, becoming the first jazz artist to claim the prize. She is that good. An Esperanza Spalding concert is a rarity in Toronto, so you’d best head down and check out this magnetic performer. Her new album, Radio Music Society, hit number one on the jazz charts.
June 28, Nathan Phillips Square, Mainstage Marquee

Fishbone

OK, Fishbone has been around, and one thing you begin to realize after seeing a few shows is that this band is relentless and always brings the party. On the heels of a cool documentary that has breathed new life into the band, this concert is going to be killer.
June 30, Lee’s Palace
 

July



Andrew Bird performs at Echo Beach on July 19

The Hidden Cameras

The Hidden Cameras have long been considered one of the city’s finest live bands. Founder Joel Gibb has been away from Toronto for a few years, working on new material and wowing crowds across the pond. But now he’s back. Expect a crazy night with incredible music and various stages of undress. Oh, and it’s free.
July 1, West Jet Stage, Harbourfront Centre

Fiona Apple

It has been a while since we’ve heard from the divine Ms. Apple. But as long as she still creates music that mashes up the best of Tori Amos and PJ Harvey, we are happy to forgive and forget. Just leave the attitude at home. Actually, that’s kinda fun, too. Her fourth studio album, The Idler Wheel — her fourth in 16 years, we might add — is due out June 19. Probably. Unless she doesn’t like it.
July 4, Sound Academy

Norah Jones

There are few reasons to remain indoors in summertime, but the chance to catch Norah Jones playing in Massey Hall? That’s gotta rank right up there. Jones is at her sultry best as she really dials down the jazz and gets a little rootsy on her latest album, Little Broken Hearts.
July 6, Massey Hall

Billy Bragg

OK, it’s a bit north of Toronto, but the chance to see legendary Brit folk musician and certified rabble-rouser Billy Bragg headline a Sunday night show at Mariposa alongside South African Johnny Clegg? Well, that’s gotta be worth a traffic jam or two.
July 8, Mariposa Folk Festival

Santana

Santana actually sounds better in the summer at an outdoor venue. It’s a proven fact, people. With a hot new album, Shape Shifter, and very colourful clothing, Santana is one dude that will earn your adoration.
July 14, Molson Amphitheatre

Andrew Bird

Classically trained music whiz kid Andrew Bird is an American singer-songwriter with a penchant for doing things in a unique and unorthodox way, taking age-old music traditions and turning them on their heads and doing all of this to much adoration and critical acclaim.
July 19, Echo Beach

Coldplay

The days of a good, old-fashioned arena rock show are few and far between. So when a band comes to town that has the chops to fill a room like the cavernous ACC with a joyous ruckus, it is a worthwhile endeavour to get down there.
July 23, ACC

Lyle Lovett

It is hard to judge Lyle without seeing him in concert. This proud Texan’s music is wonderful, sure, but this guy is a performer, and he knows how to entertain like few others. This July, he plays one of the city’s finest stages with his Acoustic Group in support of his latest album, Release Me.
July 26, Roy Thomson Hall
 

August



Florence and the Machine

Florence & The Machine

This fantastic band, fronted by the remarkable Florence Welch, recently released a new Unplugged album that reworks a number of their best songs to dramatic affect.  Expect a similarly chill but moving performance.
August 2, Molson Amphitheatre

Jesus and Mary Chain

Break out your black lipstick, black eyeshadow, black pants, black shirt.… you get the drill. Scottish mope-rockers the Jesus and Mary Chain are back touring, feeding on teen-turned-midlife angst and spitting out petulance at every turn. And it tastes just like honey.
August 3, Phoenix Concert Theatre

The Black Keys

The awe-inspiring blues-rockers from Ohio already tore the roof off the ACC earlier this year. And they are back, without a roof, so they can play even louder without worrying about further roof damage. Claims adjusters rejoice!
August 4, Molson Amphitheatre

Kinnie Starr

Singer-songwriter/hip-hop artist and more, Juno Award–nominated Kinnie Starr is one of the coolest and most engaging performers you may have never heard of. If this is true, check her out as part of the Planet IndigenUS festival.
August 11, Harbourfront Centre

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

Grace Potter is an ass kicker with serious musical chops who is setting the world on fire with her booze-fuelled rock mayhem. Her new record is out June 8, produced by the Black Keys’ Dan Auerbach.
August 17, Phoenix Theatre

Bruce Springsteen

The Boss is back with the E Street Band and turning out some of his best music in years. The hard-scrabble, blue-collar hero, who rocks harder than dudes half, no, a quarter his age, is always a hot ticket and never fails to bring the house down.
August 24, ACC

Ex-Marben chef Carl Heinrich wins Top Chef Canada; reveals details of upcoming resto

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Back in February, when chef Carl Heinrich announced he was leaving Marben to start his own project, the obvious speculation was that he had probably done really well on Top Chef Canada. It turns out he did: yesterday’s season finale revealed that he is officially Canada’s top chef and claimant to the $100,000 prize.

The next question on everyone’s minds is, of course, when he and his business partner Ryan Donovan are going to open their upcoming Toronto restaurant. In an interview with The Grid, Heinrich indicated that the new restaurant at Yonge and Richmond will be called Richmond Station. It’ll be a 100-seat restaurant opening in mid-August or so, and will focus on ingredient-driven, farm-to-table cuisine.

West coasters, meanwhile, are surely gloating (Heinrich was born in B.C., and last year’s winner, Dale MacKay, is based in Vancouver). Still, we think Heinrich said it best: “Toronto is the best culinary city in Canada right now.” Amen to that.

Morning Throwback: this scenario is totally a soap opera waiting to happen

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We like to imagine that these two women were involved in a Truth About Cats and Dogs situation where the “smart” one was telling the “beautiful” one what to say to the guy through some sort of way-ahead-of-its-time candlestick telephone earpiece. It’s going well until some nutso bee distracts the smart one and she’s all like, “Get out of here, stupid bee!” and then the beautiful one repeats it and the guy realizes what’s going on and dumps both of them, because who needs the drama, right?

Swiss Army knife maker Victorinox opens its first North American flagship store on Bloor Street

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Anyone who has ever had the urgent need to open a bottle of wine or file their nails while halfway up a mountain knows that the Swiss Army knife is one of mankind’s most impressive inventions.

This week, Victorinox, the company behind the famous knife, is opening its first North American flagship store in Toronto. Occupying a modern building on the corner of Bloor West and St. Thomas Street, the store is two floors of outdoorsy-person paradise, with a head office upstairs and a by-appointment-only showroom for chefs’ knives in the basement.

Since the late ’80s, the 128-year-old company has been busy diversifying, and alongside its vast array of knives and pocket tools, now sells watches, clothing, luggage and even fragrances. Around 90 per cent of its range will be available at the Bloor Street store, which will officially open its doors on June 6.

When we took a peek inside, the finishing touches were being added to a space that exudes the company’s functional-yet-stylish vibe. Taking us around, Joachim Beer, Victorinox’s head of fashion, liked to compare the design ethos to that of an SUV: this is stuff that’s supposed to be as wearable in Yorkville as on the side of a hill.

While we admit to being impressed by the ability to turn an ultra-light hiking jacket into a piece of business attire by pulling at a few strategic zippers, it’s still the tried-and-true army knives that steal the show — if only because it’s impossible to figure out what half the things on them do. 

Victorinox Swiss Army, 95A Bloor St., 416-929-9889

Meet a Comedy Troupe: Pink Slip

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Though the sketch troupe Pink Slip may be new around town, its future looks rosy with a scheduled performance at this summer’s Montreal Sketch Comedy Festival and this month’s Sketch Com-Ageddon in Toronto. In light of the troupe’s show tomorrow night at the Rivoli (emceed by comedian Debra DiGiovanni), we caught up with cast member Alan Kliffer to chat about dream guests and a lascivious home video shot in Montreal.

Pink Slip’s an interesting name for a troupe. Any significance behind it?
We chose it because we like multiple meanings and sexy mystery. 

How did your troupe get together?
We first met at The Second City in The Conservatory Program and quickly fell in love with one another. Even though we only had our first show in January, we’re so close that, let’s just say, we’ve been naked together a good amount of times.

What can people expect from seeing your show?
It’s observational comedy meets dirty nonsense, but is always playful. I think, above all, you can expect to meet your soul mate at our show. In fact, we insist. 

How would you describe the style of your show?
Our show is fast paced and tight. Observational, but we hope never heavy-handed. When we step out on the stage, we always bring our own brand of silly.  

Most outlandish performance to date?
Well, we haven’t been together too long to have had too many outlandish performances, but one that comes to mind involves a mink, a white canvas sheet, some partial nudity and a loft in Montreal. Video to come.

Dream guest performer?
Oy! This is a difficult thing to agree on. I would like Judy Garland reincarnated; Nicole would like Tina Fey, because she’s honest (though unoriginal); Nate would want Kristen Wiig, or any ghost — like any ghost at all — and Flick would like Idina Menzel (but then wouldn’t be able to keep her sh*t together onstage).


The details

Year established: 2011
Cast members: Nate Callens, Nicole Elsasser, Alan Kliffer and Felicity Penman
Influences: The Second City
Catch them at: Rivoli, 334 Queen St. W., 416-977-5082, June 5