Where to celebrate Mardi Gras in Toronto this year

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2:19 pm

Get your beads out and put your dancing shoes on, as we are just days away from Mardi Gras celebrations. Traditionally celebrated on “Fat Tuesday,” which lands on Feb. 21 this year, this tradition dates back thousands of years and has even expanded into a week-long celebration of good food and good parties in places such as Brazil, Venice and New Orleans. But Toronto can definitely hold its own when it comes to parties, so get ready to celebrate this tradition right at home this year.

Check out these Toronto events that will have you celebrating Mardi Gras in classic New Orleans style.

Mardi Gras Party at Fiction Nightclub

Fiction Nightclub is putting on the mega party of the month. On March 3, join thousands of partiers for a night of club anthems, hip hop and Top 40 and celebrate in true New Orleans style. Professional photographers will be in attendance as the night kicks off with a bead throwing contest. The Mardi Gras Party is an 18+ event with tickets costing $10 – $25.

Goin’ Back to New Orleans

On Feb. 17, St. Andrew’s Church will transport you to the streets of New Orleans with a day full of traditional parades. Dance and sing along to classic songs like When the Saints Go Marching In and Jambalaya. Jazz trumpeter Patrick Tevlin will headline for the entertaining evening with his band The Happy Pals, which includes pianist Jordan Klapman. Tickets cost $20.

Carnevale

Villa Charities has partnered with Leonardo Da Vinci Academy and Accademia dei Ragazzi to host a special Carnevale event for Mardi Gras. This day of family-friendly, free fun includes live music, arts and crafts, face painting, traditional carnival desserts and more! Get dressed in a Carnival-themed outfit on Feb. 21 at the Joseph D. Carrier Gallery, Columbus Centre.

New Orleans Purim Carnival

While this celebration is all about celebrating the Purim, it’s bringing the same energy as a Mardi Gras party. At the New Orleans Purim Carnival, celebrate the Jewish holiday with drinks, dance, masquerade and music from jazz band the Red-Hot Ramble. Prizes are up for grabs like best costume, best dance moves and more. The celebration is taking place March 5 at the Prosserman Jewish Community Centre.

Shrove Tuesday Pancake Supper

If you’d rather skip the parties and prefer to feast, why not participate in Shrove Tuesday — otherwise known as Pancake Tuesday — instead? Visit St. James Cathedral on Feb. 21 for a family-friendly afternoon of crafts, live music and, of course, pancakes!

Mardi Gras Party with Loco Zydeco

If you’re willing to travel outside the city for a good party (and it will be worth it), Music by the Bay is putting on a high-energy show at the Port Whitby Marina on Feb. 18. A Toronto-based zydeco band, Loco Zydeco will take the stage to perform the catchy contemporary and traditional tunes of Southwest Louisiana — likely with plenty of opportunity for audience participation. Tickets are $45.

Stranger Things immersive experience bringing the Upside Down to Toronto next month

By

Ron Johnson

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12:18 pm

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The Cinespace Studios Marine Terminal in Toronto will be transformed to resemble a certain town named Hawkins circa 1986 for a new Stranger Things immersive experience.

Netflix is teaming up with global live-entertainment discovery platform Fever on Stranger Things: The Experience opening on March 31, 2023.

“With this experience, fans are thrown into a world of supernatural mystery, enduring friendships, and ‘80s nostalgia in an atmospheric celebration of the Stranger Things universe,” reads a press release.

As part of the experience, visitors will be able to tour the infamous Hawkins National Lab and the Upside Down.

This new storyline, developed exclusively with the show’s creators, “propels guests into a parallel universe where they must run the gauntlet of terrors lurking in the dark and unlock their secret powers to help save the town.”

Visitors can also explore Mix-Tape, where they can meet real-life characters from the Stranger Things world, grab a USS Butterscotch sundae at Scoops Ahoy, attempt to knock off MADMAX’s high score, sample a tasty pie from Surfer Boy Pizza, try a unique cocktail at the first ever Stranger Things-themed bar, snatch up exclusive merchandise, and even get up close and personal with Vecna himself.

Children must be five or over to attend, under 14 must be accompanied by an adult.

Tickets are limited and prices will start at $49 per person and can be booked at strangerthings-experience.com/toronto. The waitlist is now open for a chance to purchase tickets early. Sales open to the general public on Feb. 21.

Reports of iconic Lakeview diner permanently closing are not true

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Ron Johnson

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11:08 am

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Yesterday, an Instagram post from the venerable Lakeview Restaurant on Dundas Street West announced the diner would be undergoing some changes. This information was reported by local media outlets to mean that the Lakeview is closing. It is not, according to owner Fadi Hakim.

StreetsofToronto reached out to the owner of the Lakeview who said, “You can quote me if need be. We’re basically going through some changes. We’re taking on some new team members, putting on a fresh face and releasing a new and improved menu to be always open for the next 15 years. We’ll close for a spell on March 1 and plan to reopen in time for March Break. Stay tuned!”

The restaurant is one of Toronto’s most popular late night spots and it has been for over 80 years.

Since 1932, Torontonians have known it as the “handshake” diner: a warm, forever welcoming spot that serves phenomenal food all night long. It was even featured on the TV show Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.

The Lakeview will be open until March 1 when it temporarily shuts down for a revamp.

Meet the power couples behind Toronto’s hottest restaurants

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Jennifer Schembri

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2:51 pm

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All over Toronto the grass is being watered at hot spots with couples at the helm, even though it’s been said that the only thing harder than running a restaurant is running a relationship.

One of the city’s hippest new covers is Fonda Balam, a Mexican joint on Dundas Street with the backing of Matty Matheson, owned by husband and wife Kate Chomyshyn and Julio Guajardo. They’ve been together for 18 years and say their relationship creates a symbiotic approach to restaurant management.

“We don’t always get along — we’re two separate people — and stressful situations come up, but this place is our life and everything revolves around it,” says Chomyshyn.

Guajardo says he couldn’t imagine running Fonda without his romantic partner.

“Having someone you love to deal with the same situations is extraordinarily helpful, even fun,” he says. “We balance each other out: when I feel like giving up, she’s the push to keep going, and it also goes the other way. The restaurant benefits by having both of us involved, and you taste that certain something — that care, attention to detail, that love — in the food.”

The other night during the Raptors game, Danny Barna ran a roast chicken to hungry customers then stopped for a quick Jameson’s with some thirsty reporters at the bar. His hot spot, Danny’s Pizza Tavern, which he runs with his fiancée, Anna Hopkins, is a year old and buzzing, a Toronto spin on a New York institution mixing good vibes with good food on College Street in a welcoming, friendly atmosphere.

Barna and Hopkins, who complete each other’s sentences and have been together for seven years — and even look alike and dress the same — never went to chef school but have the indelible quality they bestow on their guests: they say the warmth and generosity of their relationship imbues every aspect of their of- the-moment bistro.

“It’s like we’re inviting people into our living room. We’re hosting a dinner party every night,” says Hopkins. “If we were going to do a restaurant together,it had to be somewhere that feels good, and I think Danny’s probably does mirror our relationship — after all,the grass is only green where you water it.”

There may be nothing we want more from the places that feed us than gentleness, good food and warmth. For a huge swath of Toronto — from diners to their almost six hundred employees — those places are owned by Jeff and Nuit Regular, the husband-and- wife cooking team behind Sukhothai, Pai and Kiin. With Nuit handling the kitchen and Jeff handling everything else, the restaurants emit a caring, delicious and thoughtful vibe.

“What we’re both about is the power of love and a belief that we need to share more of it, at all times,” says Jeff, adding that his family business not only employs his brother, but several of his wife’s cousins too. “With us, things get heated fast, but resolve fast — we’ve learned to let things go as we’ve grown the business and raised our family at the same time.”

As their business became more complicated since 2008 — there’s now catering, ghost kitchens and books, along with the 10 restaurants they own — they’ve relied more deeply on each other.

“We may not always agree, but there’s always respect,” says Nuit, adding that forgiveness is another cornerstone for making relationships, and restaurants, work. “Trust gives you confidence to move forward and, because we’re in a relationship, we’re moving in the same direction — we’re co-workers, but there’s this invisible, powerful, compassionate shorthand.”

Craig Wong is the chef at Patois, which sits beside Fond Balam and is a delicious Jamaican- Asian soul food spot that he runwith his wife, Ivy Lam. Lam says,“Our view of how we run the restaurant is the same way that we operate our home; we try to always do better and not repeat mistakes.”

Ivy Lam and Craig Wong. Photo: Ian Brown

Of course, if the restaurant fails, that means both husband and wife are out of work, but Wong says that they’re all in
for both the relationship and the restaurant anyways, and they feel confident working together, betting on themselves.

“At the end of the day, it’s not only how we stay together as a couple, but how we make the restaurant, just like the
relationship, as good as it can possibly be.”

Back at Danny’s Pizza Tavern on a cool Wednesday night in Little Italy, it’s impossible not to be charmed. Hopkins and her fiancée treat their staff like family, and you see it in the breezy way they treat guests. It’s warm, inviting and
friendly — the kind of room where you could see love last.

“It’s like we’re inviting people inside to sit amidst pieces from our relationship,” says Hopkins. “How could you not feel welcomed eating pizza on a cold evening while my fiancé runs pizzas, and you’re surrounded by pieces from my childhood home?”

T.O.’s own love expert Shan Boodram on going from friends with benefits to married with kids

By

Julia Mastroianni

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1:27 pm

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An expert on all things intimacy, sex and relationships, Toronto-born sexologist Shan Boodram has spent her career helping other people figure out how to love. Whether it’s as an intimacy expert on Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle, on her podcast Lovers and Friends, through her 2019 best-selling book The Game of Desire or through candid posts to her more than half a million followers on Instagram, Shan Boodram has explored just about every kind of relationship out there. So it’s no surprise that her relationship with her husband, Jared Brady, embodies all the healthiest qualities of love. She shared the details of how they evolved from friends with benefits to married with two kids.

How they met

A friend of mine was kind of dating comedian Affion Crockett, and he invited her to a party on a night that I happened to be with her and … Jared happened to be the host of this party. I will say this is the night I met Jared, but since he doesn’t remember meeting me that night, I guess for him we met a year later through Instagram.

The first date

This is a hard-to-answer question because Jared and I started as friends with benefits, so we had a lot of, “Do you want to get food?” after moments that I never thought of like dates. When I asked him this question [about our first date], he said a hike, so I think we should go with that, because that would have been an intentional outing. Our first meetup was at my studio apartment. When he came over, I was playing music and running art on my projector. The night ended with us watching Ted Talks then making it to second or third base.

The courtship

Every single part of my relationship with Jared has been equally as lovely and easy — maybe easy isn’t the right word all the time, but truly logical, like, “Yeah, this makes sense.” Our courtship was us learning that we had so much to learn and gain from one another through slow, mutual, gradual, reciprocal acts of intimacy. It went from just sex, to sex and watering each other’s plants when one person was out of town, to hanging with each other’s friends, to attending events together when we couldn’t find anyone else, to movies, to helping each other throw out furniture after a bed bug infestation … just little life things that showed up and gave opportunities for us to prove we were invested in being there for each other.

The proposal

I pressured the hell out of Jared for half a year, and then one day he picked me up from the airport and brought me home to a scavenger hunt that ended in our apartment that he’d filled with balloons, flowers and my favourite candles.

The marriage and honeymoon

Dec. 23, 2018, we rented a house in Fallbrook, California, invited 40 people we deeply enjoyed who knew us as a couple and got married on a hill in front of the most gorgeous sunset. We went to Pineapple Villas in Costa Rica for our honeymoon. It was the best. We talk about it fondly constantly.

The kids

Two daughters: Ryu and Xya!

Balancing careers and marriage

We work together, so balance isn’t the right word — maybe flow. We flow by being equal partners in love, but in business it’s all based on who can do something the best, and that’s how we divvy up tasks. We’ve been working together since 2017, so we have gotten way way way better at this.

The secret to success

There is nothing more important than us liking each other as people, and we work our ass off to maintain that. I pay very, very close attention to what pisses Jared off, and I try to not do those things.

The future

Kids are growing healthy and happily, careers as well, community, exploration, expansion, resilience … I can’t see it, but I can feel it and it feels like, “Yes, this is what life is about.”

For Shan Boodram’s Valentine’s Day advice, click here.

A youth mental health organization goes the distance for a Toronto hospital

By

Dorothy Chudzinski

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10:49 am

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Over the last eight years, The Maddie Project, a grassroots community organization advocating for youth mental health, has sparked conversations and raised almost $4 million to help provide uninhibited access to mental health support for young people and their families. Now, they are once again partnering with North York General Hospital through Push Your Limits, a gruelling ultra-endurance challenge created by former Navy SEAL David Goggins. The 4x4x48 challenge, which takes place from March 3-5, entails walking or running four miles, every four hours for 48 hours to bring more awareness and fundraise for this important cause.

If you fancy yourself a runner, you can test your mettle by signing up for the challenge at the North York General Foundation website.

There is no fee to participate, but those who raise over $100 will receive a swag bag and medal to commemorate the incredible feat. In total, runners will be covering 48 miles over the weekend. If you aren’t sure you can go the full 48 hours solo, you can also opt to split the challenge with a friend and enter as a relay team.

Push Your Limits welcomes participants from across the globe – with past challenges seeing registrants from more than six countries. If you are local to the GTA, The Maddie Project and North York General have partnered with Aethos, a comprehensive health and performance facility located in North York, to serve as the official challenge headquarters. Join others and mark the 4x4x48 Goggins Challenge off your bucket list while making a difference for youth in the community.

North York General Hospital’s Child and Adolescent Mental Health program provides care to children, teenagers and their families who are experiencing mental health difficulties. This includes an Inpatient Unit, an Outpatient Program and a Day Hospital. Through generous supporters like The Maddie Project, the hospital has been able to update their clinical spaces to enhance the care experience for patients.

How splitting the rent is helping this Toronto chocolate shop thrive

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Jennifer Schembri

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10:33 am

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When Kata Ambrus found the first storefront location for her brand, Chocolat de Kat, she was working for De Mello Coffee as their in-house pastry chef.

Originally, Ambrus figured she did not need a retail space, opting instead for a commercial kitchen to create her chocolate confections. “I immediately approached my coworker, Hazel, a barista with De Mello, because I knew she had dreams of opening her own coffee shop,” Ambrus recalls. But, the idea stuck and in 2018, Ambrus launched her chocolate business alongside her coworker, who started Lion Coffee, in 2018. In that same year, Ambrus would meet her future husband and current business partner, Rob Mackenzie, who opened the F45 training gym next door.

“It was a natural arrangement because it was already how we were used to working together—I made chocolate and pastries in the back, and Hazel made coffee and dealt with customers in the front,” Ambrus says. The arrangement saw both business owners working out of the same space, splitting the rent while simultaneously enjoying the benefits each others’ brand brought to the table.

By January 2021 Kata and Hazel were both pregnant. When the lease at Lion Coffee was up, Hazel chose to take some time off from the business, and Ambrus needed a new space. “De Mello was a natural choice for the new location, and thankfully, Felix and Won from De Mello were on board!” Ambrus says.

Now, the owner and founder leases a space just down the street from her original spot, which De Mello Coffee subleases from. “When we moved into our larger space at 824 St. Clair W., we knew we wanted to partner with a coffee shop again because it had worked so well the first time,” Ambrus says.

With rent prices continuing to soar across the city, rent sharing is one way that small business owners, like Ambrus, are working to keep costs down. While Ambrus pays the landlord, De Mello, in turn, pays her a fixed rent that was calculated based on the amount of space that each respective business uses. Chocolat de Kat’s retail hours are based on De Mello’s hours: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., seven days per week. “Our chocolatiers work different hours, but from a retail standpoint, we’re open when De Mello is open,” Ambrus explains.

Despite the harmony between businesses, Ambrus acknowledges that in certain cases, it can be tricky to nail down an interior design that complements both retailers.

“We worked with a local designer, Keeley McCleary Interiors, to design a space that would be both aesthetically pleasing and functional for our partnership,” she says. In the retail space, Chocolat de Kat uses the left side of the counter and the left wall for display, whereas De Mello gets the right side of the counter and the right-hand wall. The kitchen space belongs to Chocolat de Kat, but the storage space is shared territory.

“It’s a win-win for both of us because De Mello brings daily foot traffic, while we bring in a lot of seasonal traffic; we don’t need to employ retail staff, and we both save money on rent,” Ambrus says. “Opening a brick and mortar space can be scary and expensive, and rent sharing is what enabled both of us to take the leap with more confidence!”

And as for her words of advice for anyone considering rent sharing?

“I would say always consider it, but it really depends on the individual characteristics of both the physical space and of the businesses involved,” Ambrus says. “Are your brands complementary and non-competitive? Do they make sense together from the customer experience perspective? The best rent-sharing scenarios are two businesses that occupy each other’s unused capacity, and where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”

Chocolat de Kat is located at 824 St. Clair Ave. W. and is open daily from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Make sure to check out their tasty selection of Valentine’s Day chocolates!

This iconic Muskoka resort with a private cottage is on the market for $12 million

By

Julia Mastroianni

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10:26 am

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Exterior 2 — Courtesy of Windermere House

At the foot of a winding village road on the shores of Lake Rosseau, discover the iconic Windermere House Resort. Atop a sloping lawn, hugged by a Victorian stone veranda and crowned by twin turrets, the resort, known as “the Lady of the Lake,” has been a Muskoka landmark since 1870. Now this heritage lakeside destination awaits a new chapter — 2508 Windermere Rd. is for sale.

Listed at $12 million, the property offers a 56-room resort, pub, numerous amenities and a four-bedroom cottage amid 6.62 acres of picturesque land that faces Lake Rosseau (a favourite spot among celebrities).

What started as a humble homestead for Thomas Aitken, a Scotsman who emigrated to Canada in the 1860s, soon became one of Muskoka’s first and most influential resorts.

A favoured site for hunters and fishermen, Aitken and his wife Mary recognized a business opportunity and began offering room and board.

A decade later, local steamboat services and a rail line to Gravenhurst opened the doors to Muskoka, making it a favourite holiday destination. To meet demand, the Aitken family became bonafide hoteliers and constructed the Windermere House Resort — a property that would remain a Lake Rosseau landmark for the next 150 years.

Sadly, in 1997, during the filming of A Long Kiss Goodnight starring Samuel L. Jackson, a fire destroyed most of the original building. However, the resort was soon rebuilt to match its former glory.

Tucked into the corner of the resort’s ground floor, the Windermere Pub is an original feature of the property. Its stone façade and convivial terrace with lake views makes it a favourite spot for an afternoon pint.

Further dining experiences can be found at the Rosseau Grill, an on-site restaurant, while the lobby bar is a lively spot for cocktail hours.

One of the advantages of owning a resort in Muskoka is the fabulous event-hosting opportunities. An idyllic spot for weddings, landmark celebrations and corporate gatherings, the Windermere House has long been a popular choice. It offers several large event rooms and ample outdoor space to get creative in.

Spa facilities and a slew of on-site leisure activities, including a tennis court and heated outdoor pool, are added pleasures. Nearby, the public marina and sandy beach offer hours of fun at the lake. The Windermere House is also mere moments from an 18-hole golf course and country club.

Several guest suites offer multiple bedrooms, a modern kitchen, and stylish living quarters with private balconies. There’s also a private four-bedroom cottage on the property for visitors who prefer a holiday home to themselves.

At dusk, Lake Rosseau glows.

The property also comes with a four-bedroom private cottage, named Windermere Cottage, which perhaps explains the price tag — you get a Muskoka cottage and a nifty investment opportunity all in one!

2508 Windermere Rd. is listed with Maggie Tomlinson of Chestnut Park Real Estate Ltd., Brokerage, Port Carling.

AGO’s upcoming show featuring Drake-approved artist KAWS is already generating serious hype

By

Ron Johnson

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2:22 pm

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It might not be happening until September 2023, but the Art Gallery of Ontario’s KAWS exhibition is already a happening.

KAWS, a.k.a. Brian Donnelly, is a former graffiti artist from Brooklyn who is creating a serious stir on the contemporary art market for what the AGO calls “sophisticated humour and insightful appropriation.” He is best known for creating figures that have become very expensive collectibles finding their way into the collections of many in the entertainment industry including the likes of Pharrell Williams, members of BTS as well as Toronto’s own Drake.

Drake actually shows off a couple of his KAWS collection in the video for the song “Toosie Slide.” The figures are KAWS Four Foot Dissected Companions, and are currently valued in the $50,000-$100,000 range.

Drake shows off his KAWS figures in video for “Tootsie Slide”

According to the AGO, KAWS has exhibited extensively throughout the United States and internationally, but never in Canada.

“I’m happy to finally be able to share that I will be having my first museum exhibition in Canada this fall at the @agotoronto curated by Julian Cox,” the artist wrote, on an Instagram post announcing the show.

The original AGO exhibition scheduled to open Sept. 30 will give visitors a look at the artists’ meticulous methods, creative process and range, through more than 60 artworks including wall murals, sketches, paintings, sculptures, his altered phone booth advertisements and collaborations.

The centrepiece of the exhibition is a large painted bronze sculpture FAMILY (2021), featuring four of KAWS’ recurring figures of varying sizes posed as a nuclear family.

The best spots for oysters and champagne in Toronto

By

lindsaylow

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11:58 am

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We’ve rounded up the best spots to indulge in the most romantic food pairing: oysters and champagne. Time to break out the bubbly!

COFFEE OYSTERS CHAMPAGNE

It would be impossible to round up restaurants that serve oysters and champagne without including the King West spot that has the two items in its name. Indulge in the largest selection of sparkling wine in Toronto, served by the glass or bottle. If you’re feeling adventurous, opt for a mystery glass of champagne and put your taste buds to the test guessing what you might be sipping. Their vast oyster selection changes on the daily and includes oyster floats or straight-up oysters served with red wine shallot mignonette. 214 King St. W.

THE CHASE

Located in Toronto’s historical Dineen Building, The Chase offers a “casually elegant” approach to modern American cuisine in a blingin’ chandelier-filled dining room and an 80-person rooftop terrace with a view of the Financial District’s towers. A carefully crafted menu in on offer and inlcudes (you guessed it!) freshly shucked oysters. These plump morsels are served in the traditional way with emon, mignonette, house-made cocktail sauce and horseradish. 10 Temperance St.

MAISON SELBY

Tucked away in the stately 135-year-old C. H. Gooderham House, Maison Selby is the perfect place for a tête-à-tête over a plate of oysters. Diners can enjoy fresh oysters served up with a subtly sweet pineapple mignonette. You’ll have your pick of a handful of different sparkling wine options to wash them down, including N. V. Taittinger champagne. With its plushly decorated rooms, crackling fireplaces and lovely historic details, it’s hard to imagine a more romantic setting for savouring a meal than this inviting French bistro. 592 Sherbourne St.

HY’S STEAKHOUSE

Hy’s Steakhouse’s location on Bay Street used to be a bank in a previous life and boasts high ceilings and Old World charm. Diners seeking bubbles should head to the second floor dining room, which includes a champagne bar. Oyster lovers can treat themselves to two different dishes: The Oysters Rockefeller sees succulent beach oysters baked on the half shell along with spinach and hollandaise sauce, or opt for the market selection of fresh oysters, and enjoy these from-the-sea gems in their purest form. 365 Bay St.

How to parent successfully as a team

By

Jennifer Schembri

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11:24 am

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Do you ever get sick of having the same old fight with your partner? Good news — if you have kids it will truly diversify the things you argue about. From changing diapers and dealing with tantrums to homework and curfews, the list gets longer with every developmental stage. The bad news is that these exciting new conversations will soon become as predictable and exasperating as your old favourites, thanks to the familiarity of their underlying themes.

According to relationship gurus John and Julie Gottman, at least 69 per cent of couples’ conflicts are “perpetual problems,” i.e. based on fundamental differences between partners. After 45 years happily in love, the brand of cheese my parents buy isn’t really why they continue to argue about groceries — it’s their different values about money (she wants the fancy stuff and he can’t resist a deal).

I’m creative and spontaneous. My partner is careful and tidy. So, when he found me letting our toddler explore the spice cupboard while I cooked (mustard seeds make a great rattle), he didn’t compliment me on my ingenuity or domesticity; he had visions of us going to the ER for cayenne inhalation. In an ideal world, he would have said, “Good morning honey,thanks so much for making breakfast! I love that you are getting our child involved in the kitchen, and I’m also worried about her spilling some of the spices that could hurt her. I wonder if there might be a safer way to have her engaged while you are cooking?” What I heard sounded more like, “I can’t trust you with anything, you’re a terrible
mom.” It was probably somewhere in between.

If we had been alone, I might have accused him of being rigid and overprotective. But our daughter had picked up on the tension and needed an explanation: “Daddy loves and cares about you so he was worried that Mama was letting you play with something he thought could hurt you.” The act of narrating compassionately for her helped me see things from his perspective, and hearing this encouraged him to do the same with me. Suddenly, instead of being on opposite sides, we were playing on a team for our daughter. From that place of connection, we could come up with the compromise to keep the more potent spices on the shelves she cannot (yet) reach.

Of course not every disagreement is so easily resolved. Maybe there’s just no feasible middle ground, or one parent just can’t budge in their conviction. If it’s something minor that won’t cause you resentment, I suggest letting them have their way, explicitly stating,“I can see this is really important to you so I’m choosing to let it go, and I trust that when something is really important to me you’ll do the same.” But when it’s something that one partner feels is potentially harmful or developmentally inappropriate, such as threatening violence or putting a nanny cam in your teenager’s bedroom, a neutral third party advisor (your family doctor is a good place to start) should be consulted.

As you may have figured out by now, trying to change your own, or anyone else’s, personality is an uphill battle. Occasionally a characteristic is pathological (such as extreme anger or crippling anxiety, perhaps caused by trauma or mental illness), in which case a therapeutic intervention could be helpful. But I can’t send my husband to therapy to be less of a neat freak any more than he should expect me to stop being so adventurous. Nor would I want him to be exactly like me or for us to have a conflict-free relationship.

What I want is for my daughter to grow up knowing that all different types of people are OK, and to learn how to navigate conflict respectfully and productively. Of course, I’d steer clear of sex and money convos in front of the kids. But when he expresses hurt about my unsolicited feedback on his cooking (I am my mother’s daughter) and I apologize and thank him for his effort, our daughter learns about assertiveness, empathy, gratitude and taking responsibility for our impact on others.

This doesn’t mean I don’t value the importance of parents presenting a united front — it would be confusing for a kid to be allowed to play with the spices, get dessert or watch TV only when dad wasn’t around (that’s the grandparent’s job), and would undermine his relationship with our daughter. Especially when it comes to rewards and consequences, consistency between parents is key. What it does mean is that he can continue to interact with her in ways that feel comfortable and genuine to him (quiet, routine play), while I can conduct pot and pan concerts and take her tobogganing. Both are important, and everyone is happier when we acknowledge the benefits of each. I notice her gravitating towards me when she needs stimulation and him when she needs grounding — what a wonderful way to learn to get your needs met!

Mara Kates has an MSW in child, youth and family services and is director of Camp Arowhon.

How to celebrate Palentine’s Day in Toronto this week

By

Julia Mastroianni

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3:03 pm

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A photo of a person putting together a floral arrangement for Palentine's Day — Visual Stories || Micheile/Unsplash

GAL-entine’s…PAL-entine’s…(not Valentine’s), you get it? This subversive off-calendar holiday, referred to by mass media as Galentine’s Day after Amy Poehler’s beloved Parks and Recreation character Leslie Knope, is a day for self love, friendship love, family love and any other kind of love outside the bounds of the traditionally celebrated romantic kind. Canonically speaking, in Parks and Rec, this celebration is scheduled for Feb. 13, though many celebrate these sentiments on V-day too. The term “Palentine’s” rose in popularity as a more gender-neutral term for people of all genders to celebrate all the platonic love in their lives, and now, Toronto is full of events to celebrate the holiday.

Where did the day come from?

If you’re not familiar with the exact episode in which the Galentine’s Day and Palentine’s Day trend started, it’s ready to watch on Netflix, and the title of the episode is also Galentine’s Day (episode 16 of season 2.)

Leslie Knope brings her girlfriends together for brunch and gifts each of them a bag with a bouquet of hand-crocheted flower pens, a mosaic portrait of each of them made from the crushed bottles of their favourite diet soda and a personalized 5,000 word essay of why they’re all so awesome.

“Oh, it’s only the best day of the year,” she says in the episode. “Every February 13, my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home, and we just come and kick it, breakfast-style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It’s like Lilith Fair, minus the angst. Plus frittatas.”

Who is Galentine’s and Palentine’s Day for?

Despite the gendered nature of the term “Galentine’s,” it’s not just for women. Cosmopolitan says, “Despite its name, anyone and everyone can celebrate Galentine’s Day. At its gooey heart, Galentine’s Day is a celebration of friendship and the people who stick by your side as romantic relationships come and go.”

Those who prefer a gender-inclusive alternative may refer to the celebration as “Palentine’s Day” or “pal’s day.”

Ways to celebrate Palentine’s Day

Enjoy a Mamma Mia! sing-along with friends

Celebrate Galentine’s Day on Saturday with a special sing-along screening of everyone’s favourite musical, Mamma Mia! This is an open-captioned screening for accessibility and sing-along needs at Hot Docs Ted Rogers Cinema — grab a bottle of wine with friends and go all-out.

Watch Flashdance with your pals

Revue Cinema is celebrating Flashdance‘s 40th anniversary with a special Galantine’s Day screening of the film on Monday. The movie, starring Jennifer Beals, is a classic and would make for a pretty fun evening out with friends.

Paint, sip and be merry

What better way to spend the afternoon on Galentine’s Day than some wine, some art, some music and some photo ops? Selfie Studio Toronto is hosting a paint and sip night that includes paint and a canvas, glasses of wine and access to the studio’s selfie stations for you and your friends to take tipsy photos in together.

Keep it canon!

On TikTok, the hash tag #galentinesday depicts scenes that look a lot like the original Galentine’s day modeled by Leslie Knope: friends showering each other with gifts and good food.

@kaitlynbeattyy Choose your fighter????? #cocktailnight? #galentinesday #vday ♬ ultimate vibes – morgan hardy//

Have a self-directed photoshoot or a photoshoot with friends

@indianaboes @teddiehart @cassiediamonddd @caroline_tuckerrr @emberjohnsonn @kathleenhixson @bella_serrano #galentinesday #valentinesday #valentinesphotoshoot ♬ L O V E – Michael Bublé

Commission professional portraits to capture images of your loved ones

@embattaglini on Instagram is a talented documentary film photographer in Toronto who is accepting commissions.

Allot self care time

@aasian every friday, i do a ✨self care day✨ #selfcareroutine #selfcaretiktok #manicureroutine #selflove ♬ original sound – djlex

Make a nice meal

@themoodyfoody dinner for two ? #foodtok #yummy #easyrecipes #pasta #dinnerdate #blackgirlluxury ♬ original sound – TC

Purchase a floral arrangement as a special gift for yourself or loved ones

Emma of @succulent.slut666 in Toronto is selling miracle romance arrangements to be delivered on Feb. 14. You can email [email protected] for ordering information.